Quotes & Sayings can be very entertaining and usefull they can suck too but who's to say.

Little Saying i'll start with For the over 17's

Grass then Beer your in the Clear
Beer then grass your on your Arse.

Wasn't Me Didn't Do It.

From Brainy Quotes-

A person without a sense of humour is like a wagon without springs. Its jolted from every pebble on the road.

The Older I grow the more i distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

Some of my faves from Douglas Adams (my favourite author, he was good for a laugh)

* If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.

* It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the phrase, 'as pretty as an airport.' Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort.

* We are not an endangered species ourselves yet, but this is not for lack of trying.

* Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

* We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

* Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

* I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: 'Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.'

* Life, is like a grapefruit. [...]it's orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.

* "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water"

* Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.

* For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.

* In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

* It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

* He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

* One Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, the Earth was unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass, and so the idea was lost, seemingly forever.

* There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.

* Those who wish to know should read on. Others may wish to skip on to the last chapter which is a good bit and has Marvin in it.

* Anything that happens, happens.
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.
It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.

* The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

* It wasn't merely that their left hand didn't always know what their right hand was doing, so to speak; quite often their right hand had a pretty hazy notion as well.

* Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

Rodney Dangerfield-

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interupt her

When i was Born I was So ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

On halloween, the Parents send there kids out looking like me.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I remember the time i was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father he said he wanted more proof.

Just Because No-one Complains doesn't mean All Parachutes are Perfect (Benny Hill)

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

“Winning is about heart, not just legs. It's got to be in the right place.”

"thats what she said!!!" .... lol

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace"

"and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make"

"Giving up is way harder then trying"

Some shit like "If you aim for the sky you'll hit the roof, if you aim for the roof you won't get off the ground"

If the red river flows, take the dirt road.

My sig (look down)

Dilshan really has got an eye like a dead fish (Ian Chappell Last Night)

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe
clippers right here.'"

- Jerry Seinfield

You call that a knife?



THIS is a knife.